Split black gram lentil must be soaked for minimum 2 hours. However you can soak it for more than 2 hours too.
I recommend the use of grinder for grinding idli batter than mixer. My grinder is under repair, so I compromised with mixer itself.
Do not add all the water at once while grinding, add minimum initially, when it starts fluffing go on adding additional water. The batter should be light, fluffy, not too thick nor too thin.
The fluffiness of batter highly depends on the quality of black gram lentil. Whenever I buy fresh urad dal every month, I need to check how much water it needs for grinding. So you can judge in the same manner.
Proper fermentation of batter is very very important to get soft idlis. Well raised idli batter will yield soft idlis.
You can use idli cooker replacing pressure cooker for steaming idlis.
Do not rush to scoop idlis from idli stand after steaming. Let it cool for some time, otherwise the idlis become shapeless.
Black gram lentil to idli rava ratio is 1:2. If your lentil fluffs up very well then you can add additional 1/2 cup of Idli rava.